Hello friends and family,
A few weeks ago, Peace Corps staff asked me and some other volunteers to give an introductory presentation to a group of incoming volunteers. Our “Welcome to Zambia!” talk was supposed to be mostly about packing and logistics, but I had other plans. I remembered being a new and scared volunteer, and the only thing I wanted to know was, “what the hell is my job and how can I be good at it?” So I decided to go a little off script and give them the single best piece of advice I could think of. After a lot of thought, what I came up with surprised me. On my last slide, I wrote my number one piece of advice: “Setting boundaries is vital.
Setting boundaries is rarely talked about in Peace Corps. It came up just a few times during our training, usually when a former volunteer mentioned off-hand that, “establishing your boundaries with your community is super important.” Few of us, including myself, took him seriously. We were too focused on learning a new language and getting the ants out of our showers to give anything so wishy-washy as “boundaries” serious thought.
That attitude changed once I arrived in my village. Peace Corps is hard, but the really difficult part is not learning to speak Bemba, or dealing with pests, or organizing the community, or giving health talks; it’s staving off burnout. Just living in a village can be exhausting. There’s no electricity, running water, toilets, or air-conditioning; you feel “on” all the time, because everyone stares at you and talks non-stop; and all your family and friends are 8,000 miles away, living a totally different life.
Arguably, the most tiring aspect of Peace Corps is learning how much to give. How much time should you spend with your host family? With your neighbors? What about strangers? What do you say to the homeless man who’s asking for 2 kwacha (15 cents) so he can buy a bun? When you come home from work, exhausted, and there are five strangers waiting for you outside your door, how much time should you spend with them? It’s tempting at first to give and give until you run dry. We’re here to serve, after all, and saying “no” feels like admitting you’ve failed at your only job.
But no one can give themselves forever. We all have to learn where our limits are or we’ll burn out. I heard about a volunteer who worked as a teacher in central. She was really active in her community at first—she went to all the community meetings, ate every meal with her family, and steeped in her community. Then she started to slip. She grew more and more reclusive until all she did was go to her school, buy food at the market, and drink alone in her home. After a year, she refused visitors and barely saw her host family. Maybe if she took it a little easier, set a few boundaries early on, she would have been fine.
That doesn’t mean that setting boundaries is easy. They’re often the most painful conversations I have. Last month, one of my counterparts asked if he could borrow 300 kwacha ($15) to ease his debt payments. “I will give you back the money next week, no problems.” He said. I grit my teeth and told him, “I am sorry ba Mwamba, but I don’t give out money to anyone. Even to you. I am sorry.” He looked taken aback and said, “Oh, I see. I thought we were closer than that, but I see.” It killed me to say that, but I would go broke (well, I guess more broke) if I handed out money to everyone. No one talks about it, but that’s the real rub of Peace Corps: learning when you’ve given enough.
My presentation to the new cohort went smoothly. When I arrived at the last slide and said that boundary setting was absolutely vital, I saw the other current volunteers pause in thought. After a moment, all three nodded agreement, almost in unison.
So, so true no matter where you serve. Definitely not talked about during PST.
And thanks for documenting it in your blog. Future invitees will thank you. :)
Thank you Colton for your emotional honesty.